Naked Feet

This is another poem I wrote that night on the road back from the Biltmore Estates. Another piece of my heart, and further insight into what my Lover, my Father, my Provider is doing in me...

Something has changed

I don’t know what it is

But I love it so

Nothing in my way

No burden on my heart

No secrets to betray

No man to make me cry

My heart isn’t breaking

My soul isn’t draining or dry

Without need to try anymore

For someone who cannot love my heart

I’m alive! Not breaking to my core

I’ll never find a man

But when he’s ready

He will come find me

Time for me to be free!

Time to breathe, live and love

To reconnect to holy Trinity

Acoustic troubadour

Get up from your hammock

And sing to me, mi Amour!

Love my naked feet

We’ll walk in love,

Walk to music, and by silence

We’ll make up stories for stars

Be warmed by body heat

Keep away from speeding cars

My chivalrous boy, love travel

Love the country and the sea

Fall in love beneath the starry sky

Take my hand – we’ll dance in the street

Giggle and laugh with me

Kick up gravel, sand with naked feet

I’ll love all this alone

until your heart finds mine

I’ll laugh and dance on my own

and wait until His time

copyright Michele Aimee Lahaie, 2009

Vagabond Princess - prose

This is the piece of prose I mentioned in my last post. Happily I can say that the Lord has been kind enough to introduce me to such a person as He promised here :)

Mind you, this isn't a perfect piece, nor do I claim it to be anything brilliant - all I claim is that this is a piece of my joy, my heart and a confession of my spirit.

(I believe I wrote this around December 28, 2008)

Vagabond Princess

What man will come,

I do not know

Though I have my hopes

I cannot know

He must love Christ

First and above all

His heart must be drawn

Feel His call

Of all he may choose

To want from me

All he truly needs

What is heartfelt, and what is free

Let him be alive,

wildly soar

Free heart and soul

Let him let go

Unimpeded

Unafraid to dance or sing

To live, to learn, explore

A vagabond, wayfarer at heart

Unfettered by his mistakes

With a full heart

Not heavy with burden or regret

Only a rage for new life

My love for him

Need not be based on the slight

Let me never love

For things, for talent, or his service

Let it be my heart

To lay down my all for him

And his heart be full

And with unbounded return

All we do together

Shall be ruled by

What God would have us do

Not by either our wills

I will be happy

Even if poor as church-mice

If we follow our call

If he is who is meant for me

I want to be barefoot when I wed

To feel the dirt

Beneath my feet

So close to what is real

Let him sing with me

Play for me

Film with me

Climb with me

Dance with me

Laugh with me

Create with me

Play for me to dance to

When not the happiest

Of times

Let him be tender with me

And I will be all for him

When that is all he needs

I will be his support

And he will be mine

All the while,

We can trust that

God is faithful

knowing He carries us both

When I am ready

In Him,

Let me be all I need

For my wayfaring prince

Without needing to change

Any one thing

About my heart

Oh this vagabond princess

She, my soul can barely hide

copyright Michele Aimee Lahaie 2009

Vagabond Princess

I want to share a piece of my heart, as well as a bit of prose I wrote over Christmas break. I was with my family late that night as we drove back from a majestic sort of day at the Biltmore Estate. I felt like something of a princess right then, enjoying the royal-feeling estate, and yet the afternoon bumming around downtown Asheville had turned my thoughts back to feeling like a gypsy, a vagabond, a wayfarer who enjoyed the road with bare feet. I had just bought a glass-blown necklace with a little yellow glass-blown mushroom in it. You've probably seen me wear it, since I'm never without it. 

It felt glorious. It had been an awe-inspiring day that left me with such conflicting feelings, and such a sense of peace. I knew who God was making me into. I knew I was His princess, and I knew I was a vagabond, enjoying every moment of the wilderness He had me wander into. I was His vagabond princess. Who should a vagabond princess have? A prince who would tame her wild heart? A vagabond who could not care for her heart, but would let her be free? Or would there be someone made to fit? I asked Daddy about it, and though it was dark, and I had no light, He told me to write. He wanted to introduce me to new thoughts; He then introduced me to someone I would not get to know for only a short while longer. He made me content with myself first, and made me realize not to love anyone else before Him. He made me love Him first - my heart was smitten. 

Today I was reminded of this. My eyes were opened last night, and I became painfully aware of the fact that God, my Lover, was trying to Romance me - and I had flat out ignored His advances. He prompted me to realize that He is after my heart, that I am His Beloved, that I am Captivating - that He wants my heart first. So although I am in a 'break' that is painful inside of me (my soul has been trying to thrash my spirit to bits over it), God is telling me I need to fall deeply, madly hopelessly, and faithfully in love with Him all over again. I've neglected my Lover. What a distressing thought! Only once I restore this deserved, necessary love to Him, only then will He restore all else to me. 

Surrender! Surrender your heart to me! (This is what He is calling to me.) Let go! Let go of the world, let go of all other lovers, let go of addictions, obsessions! Let go of worries, of failures, of feelings of worthlessness. Let go of all shortcomings, and weaknesses and realize I AM all you need. Realize that you need no one else, if only you have Me. Take Me, take Me as your Lover, and I will teach you Love. I will teach you how to love yourself, your husband, your family, friends, and all company you keep. I will teach you not to despair, I will teach you not to care about that which the world cares about. I will teach you patience... again. I will teach you joy and thanksgiving. I will teach you the discipline of peace, of rest, of stillness - all of this in your spirit. I will teach your soul (your body, mind, will and emotions) to submit to your spirit, and teach your spirit to submit to My Holy Spirit.

I'm ready, Lord. I surrender. I want it all, and I give up trying. I can't do it on my own anymore, and I don't want to - it is beyond painful. This may be normal to anyone living out of their flesh, but I know so much more, and never want to go back. Why would anyone want to be even in the highest fullness of 'joy' (in their own power) - when it is so much more overwhelming and promising, and beautiful, to be filled with Your Joy - and it is a thousandfold stronger! I want YOUR joy, Lord. Fill me with all you have to give me, and I do not expect any benefits of the world which I've been clinging to, to be restored to me. Yes, by faith I give it all up - and because in faith I know Your promises, I know you want not only to restore me, but to bless me further. So? Here I am Lord. Take it all. You have me. I am Yours.

 

“You will be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord…”

Isaiah 62:3