Heartache

Oh how my heart doth ache!
I am impassioned with all
that overwhelms my soul!

My soul acheth with burden
My heart weeps
with the loss I must endure

My spirit seems not sure
and does not know what to do
All it can do is cry out

My mind is overwhelmed
with turmoil and pressing thoughts
How I urge rest to come!

How can I ignore the Arrows?
Oh they pierce my heart
They tear through my soul

But how can I neglect the Romance?
My Lover calls in the midst of my pain
My spirit seeks to tend to Him who calls

I ache beneath the weight I carry
My back begins to break
I wonder how I came to carry it all

Though He urges me to give it all up
Not to carry it, but give it to Him
I find I am afraid and don't know how

Though He whispers in my ear
and kisses my heart and my lips
I deny Him, afraid and half ashamed

He calls me in all I do
yet I feel consumed by what is here
Another love has left me broken and alone

My love! Return to me!
Or give me promise of return!
My heart knows not how to cope...

But my Lover tells me peace
My Lover says He comes above all
This Lover says He is my first

My heart aches for what I can touch
for one I can see
Though I must learn He is enough for me

How can one cope?
How dare I toil?
It will only make my heart bitter

I wish I could hope
and I find I hope too much
Do I waste my time? Do I burden myself?

All these answers I wish I knew
And my first Lover I still wish to know
Oh lover, I miss you, still my heart is true...


copyright Michele Aimee Lahaie 2009

Selah

Lord,
Be constant for me, for I waver and am weak like a reed that strains against high winds and waters. I am like a beautiful flower that cannot survive under the beating hail without your hand to cover me. I am like a leaf, drifting without direction, caught up in the winds of this world, waiting for Your gentle breeze to guide me. I am like the clouds, heavy laden with rain and needing a release. I am a fawn in the fields, I cannot survive without a motherly doe's care, or a fatherly stag's protection.


Lord, so as this, I submit myself to you, for I know you will lead me to still waters to drink; you will give me shade to rest, food to eat, and a safe place to lay my head at night. I have no fear, for I know you will keep me from the hunter.
Selah

written by Michele Aimee Lahaie, 2009

Vagabond Princess - prose

This is the piece of prose I mentioned in my last post. Happily I can say that the Lord has been kind enough to introduce me to such a person as He promised here :)

Mind you, this isn't a perfect piece, nor do I claim it to be anything brilliant - all I claim is that this is a piece of my joy, my heart and a confession of my spirit.

(I believe I wrote this around December 28, 2008)

Vagabond Princess

What man will come,

I do not know

Though I have my hopes

I cannot know

He must love Christ

First and above all

His heart must be drawn

Feel His call

Of all he may choose

To want from me

All he truly needs

What is heartfelt, and what is free

Let him be alive,

wildly soar

Free heart and soul

Let him let go

Unimpeded

Unafraid to dance or sing

To live, to learn, explore

A vagabond, wayfarer at heart

Unfettered by his mistakes

With a full heart

Not heavy with burden or regret

Only a rage for new life

My love for him

Need not be based on the slight

Let me never love

For things, for talent, or his service

Let it be my heart

To lay down my all for him

And his heart be full

And with unbounded return

All we do together

Shall be ruled by

What God would have us do

Not by either our wills

I will be happy

Even if poor as church-mice

If we follow our call

If he is who is meant for me

I want to be barefoot when I wed

To feel the dirt

Beneath my feet

So close to what is real

Let him sing with me

Play for me

Film with me

Climb with me

Dance with me

Laugh with me

Create with me

Play for me to dance to

When not the happiest

Of times

Let him be tender with me

And I will be all for him

When that is all he needs

I will be his support

And he will be mine

All the while,

We can trust that

God is faithful

knowing He carries us both

When I am ready

In Him,

Let me be all I need

For my wayfaring prince

Without needing to change

Any one thing

About my heart

Oh this vagabond princess

She, my soul can barely hide

copyright Michele Aimee Lahaie 2009

Butterfly Caught

Deep seeded paranoia,
heavy in my heart it roots
Endless thoughts
breaking in the soil of my brain,
Perilous beauty in words
fermenting in my soul,
Burden filled tears
wilt from my lashes,
Oh salt laden, heart-wrending rain

Like a butterfly caught,
my heart so heavy in my chest
skips like the stone on the sea,
flutters like the moth who can't break free,
with no wind beneath its wings
never will i fly on earth's soft breeze

Sunny holes of light
break through my lashes,
Honey kisses,
like honeysuckle
so sweet
drip from your lips,
not meant to tranquilize
but my heart, does paralyze

copyright 2008 Michele Aimee Lahaie