Vagabond Princess

I want to share a piece of my heart, as well as a bit of prose I wrote over Christmas break. I was with my family late that night as we drove back from a majestic sort of day at the Biltmore Estate. I felt like something of a princess right then, enjoying the royal-feeling estate, and yet the afternoon bumming around downtown Asheville had turned my thoughts back to feeling like a gypsy, a vagabond, a wayfarer who enjoyed the road with bare feet. I had just bought a glass-blown necklace with a little yellow glass-blown mushroom in it. You've probably seen me wear it, since I'm never without it. 

It felt glorious. It had been an awe-inspiring day that left me with such conflicting feelings, and such a sense of peace. I knew who God was making me into. I knew I was His princess, and I knew I was a vagabond, enjoying every moment of the wilderness He had me wander into. I was His vagabond princess. Who should a vagabond princess have? A prince who would tame her wild heart? A vagabond who could not care for her heart, but would let her be free? Or would there be someone made to fit? I asked Daddy about it, and though it was dark, and I had no light, He told me to write. He wanted to introduce me to new thoughts; He then introduced me to someone I would not get to know for only a short while longer. He made me content with myself first, and made me realize not to love anyone else before Him. He made me love Him first - my heart was smitten. 

Today I was reminded of this. My eyes were opened last night, and I became painfully aware of the fact that God, my Lover, was trying to Romance me - and I had flat out ignored His advances. He prompted me to realize that He is after my heart, that I am His Beloved, that I am Captivating - that He wants my heart first. So although I am in a 'break' that is painful inside of me (my soul has been trying to thrash my spirit to bits over it), God is telling me I need to fall deeply, madly hopelessly, and faithfully in love with Him all over again. I've neglected my Lover. What a distressing thought! Only once I restore this deserved, necessary love to Him, only then will He restore all else to me. 

Surrender! Surrender your heart to me! (This is what He is calling to me.) Let go! Let go of the world, let go of all other lovers, let go of addictions, obsessions! Let go of worries, of failures, of feelings of worthlessness. Let go of all shortcomings, and weaknesses and realize I AM all you need. Realize that you need no one else, if only you have Me. Take Me, take Me as your Lover, and I will teach you Love. I will teach you how to love yourself, your husband, your family, friends, and all company you keep. I will teach you not to despair, I will teach you not to care about that which the world cares about. I will teach you patience... again. I will teach you joy and thanksgiving. I will teach you the discipline of peace, of rest, of stillness - all of this in your spirit. I will teach your soul (your body, mind, will and emotions) to submit to your spirit, and teach your spirit to submit to My Holy Spirit.

I'm ready, Lord. I surrender. I want it all, and I give up trying. I can't do it on my own anymore, and I don't want to - it is beyond painful. This may be normal to anyone living out of their flesh, but I know so much more, and never want to go back. Why would anyone want to be even in the highest fullness of 'joy' (in their own power) - when it is so much more overwhelming and promising, and beautiful, to be filled with Your Joy - and it is a thousandfold stronger! I want YOUR joy, Lord. Fill me with all you have to give me, and I do not expect any benefits of the world which I've been clinging to, to be restored to me. Yes, by faith I give it all up - and because in faith I know Your promises, I know you want not only to restore me, but to bless me further. So? Here I am Lord. Take it all. You have me. I am Yours.

 

“You will be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord…”

Isaiah 62:3