Cloth-skinned cars

This fascinates me to no end. BMW has been reconsidering how cars are structured, and began to wonder whether or not the metal exterior was even necessary. As they explored different possibilities, they came out with something new they're calling GINA. They moved away from a hard, metal 'skin' to something more flexible, and can move in different ways a fixed metal car cannot move outside of its fixed structure. I have to admit, at first I was not impressed - who wants to drive a lycra-covered car? Might as well wear a skin-tight lycra or spandex suit while you're at it. But the video is pretty darn impressive. I'd love to see these on the road someday (though apparently it's being sent straight to the BMW museum in Munich. Maybe someday....)

Anyway. Go check out the link - and watch the video! It's so cool to watch ^^

http://green.yahoo.com/blog/ecogeek/644/bmw-s-cloth-skinned-car.html;_ylt=Agn0ZnBCsNv66jlNSNuUrA.IV8cX

http://www.inhabitat.com/2008/06/17/transportation-tuesday-bmw-gina-light-visionary-model-revealed/

With that said, will someone please take me to a car show?? It's been too long since I've been :/

Too much.

I feel stuck right now. In so many ways, I feel like I'm at a dead end - but I also feel like there's a really easy way out of these dead ends - I'm just too frustrated to calm down for a moment and consider the options (only to find out the answer is the simplest solution...)

I've not got an apartment when I come back to Regent in the fall (they gave incoming freshman precedence over several juniors and seniors, apparently). While that would have been alright, I never once received any emails telling me one way or another about my housing situation. When I called, I was fussed at and told that I got an email 'the other thursday' (which was not true. I've been haunting my inbox, waiting for that email, as well as calling housing almost every day). So now I'm stuck with trying to find a place to live, or (there is a place I've found that I would like) people to live with me. This has got me pretty worked up, though I know I need to just trust God with it and let Him guide me. Ya, that's still difficult. Especially when parents are nagging about it every moment they remember. It's so prominent in my mind right now that I can focus long enough on more important things, like finishing my term paper for Shakespeare. But I'm still so burned out right now. I'm glad I didn't take any more classes beyond this Shakespeare class. I would have died. The class was enough by itself. I absolutely love Shakespeare - but reading play a day when you're already burned out? Not too wonderful. 

The final is on monday. I'm not too worried about the final exam (I go in and write two long essays on a topic the prof gives us on the spot. I've always been good at this), though this problem of not being able to focus on anything for more than a few short minutes at a time is bothersome. Even more worrisome is that I can't type up more than two or three sentences of my term paper at a time. I've got most of it hand written out, in light blue ink that is almost too light to see. 

There is so much else going on that I don't even know where else to begin or what else to say. Mostly I don't want to share - I just somehow expect people to telepathically know what is going on and then know exactly what to do to remedy whatever is the matter. Of course, thusfar, I have no results. I guess I should meet someone telepathic first ;P  

On a side note, I hate being fed lies, but there two lies I find particularly distasteful. Two lies I see given to so many people, so often. I've been told these lies my entire life. "You're not enough" and "You're too much". I'm not enough, and I'm too much. How does that work? No. Neither of them is true, neither of them is very uplifting, and neither is anything anyone needs to hear. You're not good enough, pretty enough, fast enough, smart enough, talented enough, tall enough, et cetera. or You're just too much. These are hurtful things. What hurts worst is when you get both as a verbal slap at the almost same time - from one person! How confusing is that??

 

On a random note, I'm really intrigued by Harleyquinn's costume. Always have been. I think I might like to sew her costume for myself some time.  ...I'll be your HarleyQ if you'll be my Joker ;)

Oh. And if you still haven't seen The Dark Knight (what gives??) Go see it!! Now! It's all too brilliant. I haven't written about it yet, because I can't keep myself from giving spoilers. And I hate spoilers with a passion.

  

Heart's cry

I'm at work, sitting in the sound booth, tears spilling from my eyes as I stare at a blank page. My fingers test the keys, but I don't know where to begin. My heart is welling up with a hurricane of emotions. The tears are splashing down out of my eyes, not from hurts that are my own, but for others. My heart is breaking over and over, not for my own selfish motives, but in suffering for others. As I see others who need life restored to them, I pray that they will receive not only what they need, but will receive everything in great abundance. Some of what I am seeing is so terrible, and yet they are resolved to work things out alone. My heart aches at this. Though we always have God, there are things we cannot do alone. Some things we cannot handle as one person, we need to let that person God has sent to help us through. Other times it is right not to involve other people - but this is a time I see we need to peruse the revival God has sent! Let God burn that horrid burden, sin and smut out of you with the Holy fire he is sending all over the world right now! Some do not seem to react well to this at all. They just have to do things alone, in silence and sometimes under a lie. So, as I see friends suffering under a burden I cannot understand, I cry desperately to God- heal them! show them your heart, show them your grace! Then I wonder, why won't he meet them where they are? Why won't He just douse them in the burning glory of Holy Ghost fire? Let your glory come down Lord, please. 

   

Why am I so affected by the spiritual state of others? Things I could not understand a month ago -even a week ago!- I now see, understand with perfect clarity and suffer in my spirit. I want to take the burdens for others. I want to let them let go, and carry the beast of burden for them. But what Christ did is far greater than any small gesture of my taking on someone else's burden. Why does it seem some of us are so much more prone to heavy storms and prolonged suffering? I, and quite a few I am close to seem to suffer more heartily than others, it seems. Yes, I said seems. Others constantly chirp how wonderful things are, but when disaster strikes, everything is a mess and God has forever abandoned them. But those of us I mentioned, we endure storm after raging storm, we endure - and in all of it we still yearn for Him. We cry out to Him to give us some small light, even if it is no brighter than a candle, and we still praise Him, even if we do not see that flickering candle, that glimmer of hope. 

  

So why is my heart burdened so for my loves? Why do I let my heart suffer for them if I know they will get through? Why do I beg God for mercy and to bring them burning, cleansing fire? Am I of so little faith that they will get through? Or is it a good sign that my heart is burdened so much so for them that I would stay up and pray? I feel a need to stay up the night and truly pray for them, but often find myself just steeping in the sad songs I sing for them. I hope I do not steep so long, that as tea, with a tea bag forgotten, I become bitter.    

  

I dreamed in horrible fits of nightmares last night. Demented nightmares disturbed my sleep. My waking moments, and half-woken moments were spent trembling, seeking to find out what they meant. Why would I have such disturb'ed sleep? The nightmares did not go away even in waking. They were vivid and clear. I do not remember everything of my dreams in perfect detail, and some is far too disturbing for me to want to share.  

 

In the dream, everything was perfectly realistic, as far as natural things were. No utter fantasy, no aliens swooping out of skies, no flying horses, no gnomes or tiny dancing demons. It was real life, but so subtly twisted that it made me fear what one small misstep might do to skew my walk on the straight and narrow. I'll skip the most graphic of the nightmare. In it, I was still myself, and still female, but I married a lesbian. In the marriage, no matter what happened, no matter how much I tried, I was never satisfied. My flesh would sometimes be satisfied, but mostly, nothing was ever enough. I could feel my spirit dying. I could feel my flesh take over. My life took a turn for the worst, and I woke up crying. Why was my flesh so adamant in this dream? Why a lesbian lover? Then God showed me through my disgust exactly what He meant me to see. If I lived for the flesh, I would never be satisfied. If I did not live in my purpose for Him, I would never fulfill my purpose, and in not living for Him, I would know my life was a failure. If I broke out of living a life for him, I would be miserable and a life of sin would leave me broken. This was a harsh realization. Both for my life now, and a window into what I could become if I stray from Him when my life becomes immersed in the film industry.

  

I'm trembling in fear and heart-brokenness, as I wonder what to do with myself. My heart is crying desperately for Him, as yesterdays rainstorm showed. I want nothing more than Him. My summer has been a horrible mess so far, and I've done well to document what good has come as a reminder to myself. I've avoided documenting the bad, since I so oft feel so overwhelmed by it. I want to remember the good, and remember how wonderful it was, and not let the bad overshadow or undermine it. But sometimes there is something so wonderfully terrible, you have to say something. This is that kind of wonderful terror I have. All summer I have been begging for more of Him. More, God, more! I've been driving over and hour and a half most sundays just to go to Rick Joyner's church. Just so I can get in on what God is doing. I want to see Todd Bentley before the summer is out. I want God to show up, douse me in holy fire and burn everything ugly out of me.  

God has already done incredible miracles in me this summer, He has fixed me and healed me and is readying me. He is healing wounds of my past, He has taken my broken heart and made it new, He has taken my shredded knees, ankles and elbows and renewed them and taken away all the pain. He is so good - but I want more! Ever more. I want more because I'm not nearly enough. Right now I don't even glow. I want to be pure, purified and have him work in me and through me. I want to talk with Him without ever having to struggle to hear His voice. I want Him to make me shine with His glory. I'm so dull right now. I want all of Him. I want to glow because He burns so bright in me. I want my shadow to heal people as I walk past them. I want to hear God every time he speaks to me, not only sometimes. 

 

"I know your love does not run dry. So i wait for you."

Sun's Teardrops

I was slumped down in my chair, my legs propped up on a chair I had skewed my way as I listened to the professor gives his interpretations of Shakespeare's "The Winter's Tale" when the first crack of thunder split the air. I slumped even further down as I stole a glance at the massive wall clock, ticking ominously in the back of the nigh-empty classroom. Half an hour til 6 o'clock. Half an hour til class ended. I had no wish to drive through the pouring rain I could already hear coming down on the cold, hollow building. I turned back to the professor and answered his semi-rhetorical speech with some half-iambic rhetoric of my own. In my peripheral vision, I peered out of the top of the window and saw only darkened skies. 

By the time the class was over, the storm had subsided - it had given us the five raindrops it thought necessary, and was not too much more gracious. I padded through the dewed grass to my car; I could smell the skies sweet wetness basking in the earth's warmth. The steam that came from the ground, made the very ground seem like it breathed hotly, stimulated by the sweet bit of rain it had so longed for. The grass already looked greener, stood straighter - it looked so much more alive! A soft wind tumbled across the fields, tossing white blossoms across the parking lot, a happy swirl around my feet, a passionate chase at my heels. The selfsame wind tousled my hair and brought new breath to my lungs, it felt like it wanted to restore new life. 

So began the drive home, windows down as they always are no matter the weather, when the darkened skies began to their groanings anew. My windshield faced the haply released raindrops indignantly and they were quickly wiped away. At the sight of the raindrops, I stretched my arms far out of my window as I sped through the curves of splashing, winding country lanes. I let my hands be caught in the ripple of the wind as it caught in my palms, wrapped itself up my arm and tossed my hair about; I let the raindrops splatter and kiss my bare arms, even as they became more bitter and biting. As the country lane opened from beneath its canopy of towering trees, my eyes met the sky that my God had so beautifully lit. The skies, though darkened and grey, trembled with thunder that spake His glory, displayed clouds that bowed and bent at the slightest tremor of winds. What sheer beauty it was, even in just its terrible and intimidating self. 

But then, a small blot of color showed itself at one side of the sky and began to spread. Gleaming yellow light pushed forth, happy blue showed its face, brilliant green shone brightly and red blushed its way onto skies face. In a low corner of the sky, it faintly, shyly tested the world. It began to spread, a vague show of colored lights hovering over the earth, then with confidence and radiance began to dance across the sky in spectacular brilliance against the dark background of sullen clouds. A rainbow spread its arm across the western half of the skies, a countering veil to the already-present, ominous veil that darkened seas and skies. The colorful veil arched, stretching like a vast ribbon of perfect light and color far over the world, so thick, beautiful and resplendent. 

As my eyes were captured in the breathtaking moment, David Crowder burst into worshipful chorus that brought me into even more awe. As the 'Oceanic mix' of O Praise Him, I threw my head back and sang His praises to Him.

"Turn your ear to Heaven 

and hear the noise inside

The sound of angels,

the sound of angels songs

All this for a King!

We could join and sing: 

"All to Christ the King!"

How constant, how divine, 

this song of ours will rise

Oh, how constant, how divine,

This love of ours will rise, will rise...!

O Praise Him!

O Praise Him!

He is Holy!

He is Holy!

Turn your gaze to Heaven

and raise a joyous noise

Oh, the sound of salvation comes

The sound of the rescued ones

And all this for a King

Angels join to sing

"All for Christ the King!"

As he belted his words of praise in glorious song to Him in Heaven, I felt overtaken, my heart ready to burst for joy. I was in awe of the beautiful show of color He had thrown into the dreary sky, a sign of not only hope in dark times of painful, threatening storms, but an aide-memoire that unadulterated beauty can come out of even the most despairing of times, and out of small terrors that seem to temporarily mar my skies. But now all I could see was the brilliant beauty. The beauty outshone all else, and dispersed all tension from the storm. All I could look on was what beauty had come with storms end. With that, my heart cried out and I could contain myself no longer as I tossed my head back and belted out the chorus. But this time I changed the words for myself, and for Him. I could not sing about Him. How could I? I wanted to tell my Abba Father how great He was! I wanted to give Him my praise, and would not conceal my hearts longing...!

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

You are Holy! You are Holyyy!

O Praise You! O-o Praise You!

You are Holy! Yes, You are Holy!

He is bringing that rainbow to light in my life, letting me see it brightly, clearly with each storm as it goes and as the next one comes.

Glorious Day

O perfect, radiant day!

Today, while working outdoors at the climbing towers, I began to realize new things and see other things in new and different light. 

As I stood in the sweltering heat of the day, its muggy misery making making me drip with sweat, I could not help but see only beauty in 't.

How great God's love that he would set me in my element, that he would give me work out of doors, outside, in the green, in the natural air, in the suns glory! How "infinitely sweet" that he would treat me to the songs of the birds and the chorus of the cicada. How gentle is He that He would open the skies to send soft breeze to cool my brow, how great His love that He would send a cotton-light cloud to shade my exposed neck. How good that He would send the sun's heat to draw wet toxin through my skin.

Then came the storm. Just as my life has had storm after storm as of late, it began to rain. But how glorious! As I stood with my arms outstretched, my face turned toward the heavenlies, fat raindrops on my fell over my burning body, spilling onto my face -- the sun shone. The sun shone gloriously, brilliantly, beautifully. In that moment, God whispered to me. "This is what I have been doing, this is what I am doing with you now". Woah. "Though it is raining, though your life is a raging storm, I am still here shining my glory down on you". He said just as I have been killing away the Old Self, He is now washing it away, and washing all blemish and hurt away, renewing my heart. As the Old Self was falling away, my New Self was being washed clean, renewed and strengthened. 

It was incredible what all He revealed to me in that moment. Just as life's storms have been raining down on me, God has been shining on my soul. His radiant glory is growing in my heart, making it new. Shining in my spirit as the sun shines on a flower, making me flourish as budding rose. How He shines in me! How great is God that he would reveal to me in example exactly what He has done and how He is working in me now! He showed me how I need the rain like water to grow, and the storms to become strong so I can flourish, not just be worn with the elements, not just so I can survive - but so I can stand tall and weather any intensity that comes against me. But He showed me without the sun's rays, I cannot survive. With the sun, I flourish. With this metaphorical sun, the representation of Him, God's glory shines on my soul. Because of this glorious sun God shines on me, my spirit glows with His glory!

Blank Verse

I'm taking a Shakespeare class this summer, and have been so inspired that I've begun to write in blank verse. (Blank verse just means it is unrhyming and in iambic pentameter.) No, it doesn't have a title. Not yet, haha. Enjoy!

Ill-worn soul, more worthless than specks of dirt

I purposed not to be so low a fool!

Black, serpentine lusts ensnare thy poor heart

Mine heart spattered so too, could not away

O damn spot! Charge not my heart as vixen!

O mar of my soul! Why mark you me cur?

Why make you me ready with loves heartstrings pluck'd?

"Despair and hope make thee ridiculous"!

How you spurn me! My wrath doth boil in me

Give thy venom! Thou'st already poison'd my heart,

With malice, burden'd it. Anger burns my cheeks!

Thy angry charge, not desert of my crime!

Exasperated youth has broken my flesh

And oh! yours, the self-same burden has brought.

There is but fire in thy heart! Of lovers valor!

Brimstone in thy liver, as betroth'ed guard!

Excellence, dear heart, why thou bids't me silent?

Well wounded, love doth beg me mute and blind

Nay! my soul acheth not for banishment!

O, tell me not to hence from thy sweet sight

copyright 2008 Michele Aimee Lahaie